Archives for February 2015

How Much Happens in a Day

February 1, 2015 By Pablo Neruda

In the course of a day we shall meet one another.

But, in one day, things spring to life –
they sell grapes in the street,
tomatoes change their skin,
the young girl you wanted
never came back to the office.

They changed the postman suddenly.
The letters now are not the same.
A few golden leaves and it’s different;
this tree is now well off.

Who would have said that the earth
with its ancient skin would change so much?
It has more volcanoes than yesterday,
the sky has brand-new clouds,
the rivers are flowing differently.
Besides, so much has come into being!
I have inaugurated hundreds
of highways and buildings,
delicate, clean bridges
like ships or violins.

And so, when I greet you
and kiss your flowering mouth,
our kisses are other kisses,
our mouths are other mouths.

Joy, my love, joy in all things,
in what falls and what flourishes.

Joy in today and yesterday,
the day before and tomorrow.

Joy in bread and stone,
joy in fire and rain.

In what changes, is born, grows,
consumes itself, and becomes a kiss again.

Pablo Neruda (1904 – 1973) is a Chilean poet who won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1971.

Creating a Compassionate Workplace

February 1, 2015 By Susan Wolbie

Compassion, defined as sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others, is a trait we’ve always valued in our personal relationships. But how often is it discussed in terms of the workplace? Is the workplace meant to be a “dog-eat-dog” kind of experience where everyone is out for himself, never worrying about the woes of colleagues? Or, can compassion be helpful in most, if not all, workplaces?

A 16-month longitudinal study at a long-term health care facility with 185 employees, 108 patients, and 42 of the patients’ family members was conducted to test how the employees treated the patients and families versus their colleagues. The researchers found that there was lower absenteeism and employee burnout, as well as higher levels of employee engagement with their work with greater teamwork and employee satisfaction. In addition, the culture of compassion spread to patients and their families. Then, to see if the same positive results would be found in industries such as real estate, finance, and public utilities, they performed a second study involving 3,201 employees in seven different industries. Again, a greater culture of compassion in the workplace led to greater work satisfaction, commitment, and accountability.

Now that we are learning that a more compassionate workplace results in more positive work relationships, increased cooperation, better customer relations, and reduced stress, the question begs to be asked: What steps can we take to develop or increase a compassionate workplace?

1. Try a morning ritual where you literally set a positive tone for your day.This could be done at the end of a session of mindfulness meditation. I am lucky in this life of mine. I will send positive thoughts to others today, especially those who seem to be sad or suffering. I’m going to avoid all anger, and seek to find that which I can learn from others. My calm attitude will spread from one colleague to the next as I smile at each person I meet today.

2. Look for what you have in common with others today. Recognizing that which is the same about you and others, especially others with whom you are not good friends, helps diminish the things that may tear you apart. You may also come to understand why someone has a certain reaction, and you may be able to more readily relate to his situation.

3. Practice intentional, but random, acts of kindness. They could be small acts, like getting someone else a cup of coffee when you’re getting your own or sending an email to a colleague to thank him for something he did well, or just something he did to help you do your job better. You could also opt for a larger act like helping someone who is overworked or seems overwhelmed with all there is on his “to do” list.

4. Start a gratitude journal where each day you write three new things you are grateful for at work. Before you know it, you will find your brain looking for additional positive things that you can then write about later in the journal.

5. Each night write about your day. Pick one or two of the most positive events that happened that day. Write what happened, what your role was in the event, how the others involved reacted, and exactly how it made you feel.

Giving yourself the gift of a compassionate workplace will change your outlook, improve your moods, and increase your gratitude for this world and your place in it.

Susie Wolbie educator and presenter focusing on mindfulness, parenting, stress reduction, building balanced lives, and study-organization skills.

This article first appeared in http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.

Raising Compassionate Boys Means Having Compassion for Boys

February 1, 2015 By Tosha Schore

The other day on the way home from school, my 8-year-old suddenly interrupted his own excited play-by-play of his day’s highlights with a roaring rendition of “Tomorrow,” the famous tune from Annie. “The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow ther’ll be sun…”

“Why are they always talking about the sun?” he asked, interrupting himself yet again.

“Well,” I responded. “The sun is seen as a symbol of brightness, hope, warmth and possibility.” I continued. “Remember that those girls didn’t have parents caring for them. They were stuck in an orphanage with that evil Miss Hannigan, hoping and praying that someone kind would show up at the door, looking to adopt them.”

Again, I was was interrupted. “Miss. Hannigan’s not evil,” my son said, in all seriousness. “She just has special needs.”

As often happens in my parenting journey, I was caught off guard. First I had a good long belly laugh like only those improbable kid proclamations can bring on. And then I felt proud. Yet another children’s movie had attempted to simplify human nature by dividing us into two bland categories of good and evil, all the nuances of our lives left to fall by the wayside. But my 8-year-old was having none of it!

Underneath her alcoholism and abusive behavior, even Miss Hannigan had a story.

What my son knew instinctively, that Miss Hannigan’s behaviors were a call for help that no one was answering, is often lost on us big people. Rather than moving towards others when they show behaviors indicative of struggle, we often pull away, insulting or shaming them for their differences, slaves to our own inner struggles.

I’m not advocating for a free-for-all of dysfunctional or hurtful behavior. Interventions and limit setting are vital. First and foremost we need to keep everyone safe. But we can’t just be compassionate when it comes easily. Having compassion requires taking a virtual trip into the dark depths of those who do wrong by us, or by others, learning their stories, letting go of anger, disappointment or embarrassment, and moving on.

Easy to do, no? But necessary in teaching our boys about compassion. We, adults, are often limited in our ability to be compassionate with those who break certain social norms, and in my life as the mother of three boys and an advocate for young boys and their parents this often looks like a jab, a grab, a hit, a loud voice, a big movement, an inappropriate joke, or a joke at an inappropriate time… the list is long.

Young boys have it hard. For many, from the start of traditional schooling, they are square pegs of energy and curiosity shoved into round holes of sitting quietly at desks, doing what someone else has on their agenda. I think about all the squashed potential! I think about someone forcing me to perform well in a career that taps none of my talents, but only magnifies my struggles and weaknesses. I cringe, experiencing the feelings of embarrassment and shame I imagine I would feel as I tried over and over again to be successful at something that did not come easily, while others criticized and punished.

And outside of school, even where I live today, in what is supposedly one of the most open-minded places on the planet, I constantly see boys’ energy, spirits and feelings being squelched by adults who choose only to be bothered, or even scared by them, rather than appreciate their uniqueness or offer them an ear when they need to talk, a shoulder when they need to cry, or a hand when they are stuck in some unworkable behavior.

As parents, we must work hard to change this! We must reach for our boys when their behaviors are ugly, aggressive, or mean. Keeping sight of their goodness is our job. The more we see it, the more compassion we will feel towards them. And the more love and compassion they feel coming their way, the greater their ability to share their goodness with the world.

It can be hard to see past Miss Hannigan’s screaming and drinking, but we can imagine that her road was a rocky one. And it can be equally difficult to see through a boy’s defiance or anger. But those boys have stories too. In helping our boys share their stories, we are, in effect, cultivating compassion.

Tosha Schore is the mother of three boys, and the owner of Tosha Schore, Your Partner in Parenting.

Thie piece was originally published on http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.